Mistakes

I worry
about turning
right
when I might have
turned left,
letting him
sleep
instead
of getting him up
for breakfast,
following his lead
when I might have
stood firm
in my instructions
to shower, dress,
eat, go for a walk
with Hassan,
the Kenyan caregiver
who watches over him
and the house
when I'm gone.
He is
independent
today
as he used to be
all the while needy
for old times: he cries
for mother,
father
gone fifty years
brother
issues
unresolved.
There is no
peace
in this man,
not this morning
not today. Really,
my mistakes
don't matter.

-Esther Altshul Helfgott