Laboratory Visit

The first time
I see him
hold a colon,
blood dripping
through the fingers
of his latex
gloves, I
want to flee
the laboratory
and the team
of hovering
technicians, this one
handing him a scalpel
that one, the scissors
he took from home.
But instead of running
as I want to,
and I really really want to, I
slump ouside the door
as he cuts.
The procedure ended,
my breath just back,
we return to his office
with the sign: Dr. Schweid,
on the door. I watch him
change from his white lab coat
to a tweed sports jacket
in time for a meeting
and a tuna salad sandwich
I can't touch.

-Esther Altshul Helfgott